literature

Two perfect strangers

Deviation Actions

kagirinai-yume's avatar
Published:
1K Views

Literature Text

Two perfect strangers ,a girl and a boy,
Met by coincidence,
On a cold summer's night.

Their eyes did not meet,
As the boy's were closed,
Under the moon's vague light.

He cried in grief,
But his blindness kept him
From seeing the one that could help.

The wind set them apart,
And without saying goodbye,
They grew far away ,step by step.

That night the girl has seen
Hell's tree of knowledge,

As the guy haunted her dreams,
Giving her false hope and courage.

Waking up to reality, she met him once again.
It was a hot summer's morning,
His breaths were short and his heartbeats weak,
As he turned to walk away.

She held onto him, didn't want him to leave
But let go as his hands were freezing.
His eyes were still closed as a fog grew between them,
Preventing the girl from saying the words,
that's the price she will pay.

"You will not say goodbye,nor meet him again"
Said the fog, as it vanished,
Turning into tears that fell down on the grave
In her heart that her soul has banished.

Two perfect strangers, a girl and a boy,
Met by coincidence.
She's now dying inside, he's already dead
Somewhere, in the distance.
Okay, so first of all I want to tell you what's behind that poem.
Last night a friend called me and told me that he found a little cat. I think he was a week old,his eyes were still closed.
I tried to take care of him but he didn't make it till morning.
I'm saying "him" and not "it" because I don't see that cat as just a thing.

I barely known him for a night ,but I feel really bad that I couldn't have saved him.RIP, little cat.
------------------------
So this poem goes to :iconwriters--club:'s "Perfect strangers" competition, wish me luck!

--
My interpretation:

-The fog stands for teary-eyes,full of guilt that keep the girl from saying goodbye,and it's turning into actual tears,that falls on his grave like rain,but won't make it though the grave's stone.

-The original "tree of knowledge",in heaven made Eve smarter, but "Hell's tree of knowledge" only provides lies and false hopes.

-The guys blindness is not pysical,he's blind to see the one that could help him, and so he goes in the wrong way.
--
That's it, I'm not sure if it's a good poem or not,it's mainly to let my feelings out.
I'd appriciate if you could answer my questions:
-Is the flow of the poem okay?
-Is repeating the first lines in the end did the song good or bad?
-Have I properly used the term "Tree of knowledge"?
-Are the rymes okay?
Thank you :hug:
---
Picture taken by :icondr-steinple:
© 2011 - 2024 kagirinai-yume
Comments11
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
q123459's avatar
Don't bother - all roads leads to end